When you lose your band

[rabidgerry]

Hi everyone, been a while since I've posted anything meaningful on the Depot.  I've also been struggling to come to terms with the situation as well a bit and I actually have resisted posting anything about it here since the day it happened.

Well come the end of July I lost two thirds of my band.  The drummer we actually wanted to replace.  We had meetings about getting rid of him like literally a few months before he took it upon himself to leave and in the end we left it so he would arrive at the right conclusion himself.  He simply isn't into heavy metal music, or drumming more importantly.  Those fundamental things you need to be in a band like Rabid Bitch of the North.  Anyways, he left by himself and that was ok.  He seemed to be relieved as well.  Cool lets move on then I thought.  But no sooner had he left than our singer/bassist also left but for completely different reasons.  His were personal, things beyond his control outside te band that he felt he had to leave the things he enjoyed most to concentrate on these matters.

So one day 2/3rds of my band gone!  Now what?  Sitting with the guts of a 2nd album, songs we'd even been rehearsing.  Do I continue?  Or forget about it?

I decided to continue even though the task of rebuilding will be monumental.  For a start the music we play is a style not massively popular in Ireland.  It's not even massively popular amongst the metal scene that exists here and to top it off, finding people into the music is one thing (there are fans obviously as they used to come watch us :) ) but it's finding people who play bass, who sing and who can drum.  There is a severe lack of all those personnel on these shores in most of those fields and within that genre of music.  Do I still bother to carry on?

It's a crushing blow and everyday I feel like packing it in.  We were nothing big of course, but the band was the very fabric of my being.  From picking up the guitar, to wanting to be in a band, to forming a band, to writing songs, to playing our first gig, to gaining a profile, to our first tour.....................it's like if I don't have this anymore what is the point in even playin guitar anymore?  It all lead to one another organically and so long ago that it's like what is the point now when there is nothing less?  Pretty unfair that I lost the band just minding my own business but there you go.  Take the engines away from the plane and it's going down!  I actually don't even feel like I'm the same person anymore as stupid as that sounds.  I feel like I was Gerry from Rabid Bitch of the North.  Again, small time band, not famous or anything, but myself and former colleagues would walk around and be recognised all the time and have people shout over t us.  This is pretty cool given we are just ordinary guys.  But now it's like I've disappeared of the face of the earth.  I just don't feel valid unless I have a band or am in a band (there is no one else who I could join either btw).  Totally ridiculous right?  Well that's how I feel all because of something that just disappeared one morning.

So now I've got all that off my chest, I said I am going to give a go at rebuilding right?  So here I am, trying to rebuild.  The intention at the moment is to at least get people in to do the album.  They don't have to be permanent members at this stage.  I can do bass if needs be and guitar, which leaves drums and singing needing covered.  Currently playin' with a drummer, but have not heard from him in a few weeks now.  Also chatting to a bassist to see if he would want to join up.  Lets see how it goes.

Anyone else gone through the same thing as me then?  Curious to know as this has totally taken a big part of me with it and I feel like this is a last attempt at salvage the years hard work we put into this band.

[TommyVonVoigt]

Man, I can really empathize with you here.

I spent like 16 years living down in Southwest Florida, the last 8 of which were spent desperately trying to keep a band together, or even getting one together in the first place. The problem was layered - I was doing a 70s glam meets Van Halen meets Queen kind of thing. Kinda theatrical hard rock. That absolutely was not popular between 2004 and 2012, especially down there. Furthermore, the music scene down there just wasn't that big. Not a lot of people to work with. And I discovered time and time again that, unless you are trying to do the absolute latest flavor of the month, or have a paid cover band situation going on, it's a nightmare finding like minded, talented musicians. There were dark days for sure...months and months of nothing going on at all. A couple year long stretch of not having anyone at all. I don't know what it's like in Ireland, but the way you describe it, makes me think it may be similar to what it was like down in Florida.

At one point, I finally had a lineup together, and we cut a record, and upon listening to the mixes, the bassist and drummer quit. While trying to rebuild, the rhythm guitarist quit. I had to start over again with just one other guy. So I built a new lineup, which took forever. We got up and running, and after about 2 years of stability, in fighting and petty nonsense caused 3/5 of the band to quit, just on the verge of doing our first tour (the dates were already lined up and everything). So I tried building it back again, but it was on fumes. More drama. More people quitting.

Every time I found myself without a band, it was wrecking me. Months and months of reaching out to what felt like the only 5 or 6 people in the whole state that played drums, just to find anyone that was interested. Working with people with subpar ability, just to get literally ANYTHING happening. My entire identity was wrapped up in the idea that I was the frontman in a killer hard rock band. It was not a healthy situation. Also, I'm glossing over soooo much. The lows were repeated, and crushing. Seriously soul crushing.

After one final gig in fall of 2012, with a cobbled together lineup, I couldn't take it anymore. I found a job in New York, loaded literally everything up (4 full stacks, 2 SVT bass rigs, a whole concert PA, everything...), and left.

In NYC, I found a far stronger music scene. Exponentially so. Within the first year I had a killer lineup, and we were already gigging. We met more musicians. My network grew. We cut a record. I got involved with a big music production crew here and made even more friends and connections. I became busier than ever before. I cut a solo album, and found a following overseas. At some point along the way, I found that I no longer had my whole identity wrapped up in one thing. I was cool going a couple of years without an official band, since I was doing diverse shows every single month with all sorts of musicians from all over the city. In some ways, when I look back on those years in Florida, I almost don't recognize that version of me.

The area you live is not going to change. There won't suddenly be a couple busloads of musicians moving to your area. You are almost certainly finding the same frustrations I did. There will be bassists, drummers, singers, anything you may be looking for. But if you aren't doing exactly what is passing for rock nowadays, forget it. They aren't going to be interested. The challenge of having a band is that you are trying to create art, but it relies so heavily on the involvement and commitment and stability of other people besides yourself. The way I tried to explain it to people all those years ago was to tell them to imagine they are a painter. Their entire identity is wrapped up in being able to paint. It drives them. They NEED to paint. It's what they wake up thinking about, and dream of at night. Now, imagine that suddenly, in order to paint, it required someone to hold the canvas, and another person to hand you the paint. It's a silly metaphor, but it helped people understand why it was just emotionally destroying me. So you have a hard decision to make here:

• Moving to a city could definitely solve your problem. But that may not be something you are able to do, or willing to consider.

• If moving is completely out of the question, another option you have (which wasn't as much of an option for me) is finding people to collaborate with remotely. If you open things up to the whole world, you can easily find like-minded players, looking to collab on some tracks. You could certainly finish the album that way.

• If playing live is mandatory, perhaps finding people that at least live in Ireland would be the way to go. You could do remote work, and maybe get together once a month to rehearse. It looks like Ireland is roughly the size of NY State. Not exactly small, but, small enough that a once a month thing and occasional gigging is totally feasible.

[TommyVonVoigt]

Oh snap! I just checked out your band. Dude, rebuild. Pick one of those options I mentioned and get that going again. If it really means as much to you as you say, you need to do what it takes to keep it going. It won't be easy. But there is an audience out there for proper old school metal. I respect what you're doing, a LOT.

I'm biased, though...I've been writing and recording an 80s melodic heavy metal album since the pandemic hit :)

[rabidgerry]

Hi Tommy, that was an epic story and I'm glad you told me it as it..........well obviously feels very similar to my own.  The bizarre thing is, way back in the early days, when we didn't really have a band, it was me and my friend the bassist singer and we called it a band and we just needed a drummer.  That took so long just to get a drummer.  But at that time in life I was 19 so I had time.  We both went to College and hey presto we found the drummer!  Now these two guys and myself are the guys who I ended up being in the band with for years.  But back at this point, we lasted as a garage band for like 2 years may be?  It was fun, but the singer/bassist bailed and that was the end of that incarnation.

Some time passed and I tried to start from scratch again by myself.  That wilderness I was faced with was exactly the same as the one I'm facing now.  It's so messed up.  What eventually happened was, I hooked up with that same drummer again and slowly but surely we put together another lineup, and after many other casualties along the way, we ended up with the the original bassist singer again and we stayed like that for 10 or more years until the end of July this year.  Just as a manager lands us so money to push us a little bit further!!!

Well what the hell,  I'm going to give another shot, but it's harder than ever.  Strangely I thought havin spent many years making a profile for ourselves I thought I would at least have a few people knockig on the door but there you go!  I'm having to look all over again.

Ireland's scene is small, but if I was playing some kind of extreme metal I'd have more success getting guys.  But the fact I'm playing what I would call real metal but others would might call old school, that limits us even further.  It was this style that set us apart as well on the scene and I'd like to think we helped with the popularity increase into traditional heavy metal over here and UK in general but that limits the amount of talent out there for me to hook up with again!  If I lived in mainland Europe I'd have a better chance as MJMP would probably agree with.

@TommyVonVoigt feel free to let me hear some stuff man    and appreciate the empathy.

I kinda thought in the states it would be easier to put a band together, but I guess it all depends doesn't it?

What are Florida people into then? 

[MarshallJMP]

Well keeping a band togheter isn't always easy, I had my share too. But you can't give up, if it doesn't work with one or more persons in the band find new ones. Not always easy but search and you will find. I know I did. The last 2 years we had to find a new bassplayer and guitar player and we did and we seem to have a very good and steady band that loves to play the "old" metal. We are all more or less of the same age and grew up with the same kind of metal music so that makes a strong bond.

Now I agree with Tommy, your music is too good to let go, I saw you live here in Belgium and I really like what I saw and heard so don't give up!!!

[rnolan]

Hey RG, well lots of empathy from me also.  Don't give up, keep building it anyway you can.  I'm happy to collaborate with you remotely to help with any skills I can offer, even if it's just moral support  . 

[rabidgerry]

Well keeping a band togheter isn't always easy, I had my share too. But you can't give up, if it doesn't work with one or more persons in the band find new ones. Not always easy but search and you will find. I know I did. The last 2 years we had to find a new bassplayer and guitar player and we did and we seem to have a very good and steady band that loves to play the "old" metal. We are all more or less of the same age and grew up with the same kind of metal music so that makes a strong bond.

Now I agree with Tommy, your music is too good to let go, I saw you live here in Belgium and I really like what I saw and heard so don't give up!!!

That's really super nice of you to say so MJMP.  I truly had a great time that time we played in Belgium and I was so happy to meet you in the flesh.  Playing Belgium again was a realistic possibility as well, until this collapse of course.  But fingers crossed I can get over this and put it back together.  I actually believe the music for this second album is a lot better and I believe my recording experience I can help produce a better record than before so it is a total shame I guess to pack it in.  Thanks again for everything as you are one of the kindest people I've ever met and always been there to help me with gear  so truly appreciated.

Our manager has spoken to a potential bass player over the last few days!  He owns a bullet belt........... ..........so that's a good start, never mind what he sounds like 

[rabidgerry]

Hey RG, well lots of empathy from me also.  Don't give up, keep building it anyway you can.  I'm happy to collaborate with you remotely to help with any skills I can offer, even if it's just moral support  .

I have called upon you many times :)  I know it.  There is always a wealth of knowledge to learn from the likes of yourself.  What was I asking about the last time something to do with mixers and monitor sends    Again thanks very much Richard, always a total legend as well, always supportive and always helpful!  I will do my best to keep truckin'.

You and Mike still playing or all been shut down due to lockdown?

[MarshallJMP]

Well good luck with the bassplayer, I hope it works out for you both. BTW don't know if it will help but I also own a silver bullet belt  ;D

[rabidgerry]

Well good luck with the bassplayer, I hope it works out for you both. BTW don't know if it will help but I also own a silver bullet belt  ;D

Mine are brass so I'm not as fancy as you 

[MarshallJMP]

Well Lemmy had a silver one, so I had to have one too.

[Harley Hexxe]

Hey Gerry,

     I can completely relate to what you are going through and how you feel. I've been through that myself and it isn't easy. People who think being in a band is all sex and drugs and rock and roll really don't have a clue how much hard work goes into making a band successful. It's no walk in the park.

     After reading these posts the first question that comes to my mind is this: You have a manager, doesn't he have any connections that can help you get going again? After all, he does have a financial stake in this too.

    I agree, your location doesn't help, and possibly moving to a place where the music scene is more active might help, but above all, you CAN'T GIVE UP!!! The music you write is an extension of you and who you are.

     I had a killer band together years ago and we were called Band Of Heathens. Everything we played was all original compositions, which I was the one who wrote everything. It may sound egotistical but I was the only one coming up with ideas and pushing to develop  them. The styles of these songs were all over the map, from 70's hard rock, to 80's metal, to 90's prog metal, to hard rocking blues, and we even threw in a couple of country dittys just for laughs and to throw people off balance for a minute. It worked well and we were gaining a lot of local popularity and expanding. If we couldn't book a gig, we'd go raid a local jam night, or open mic night at some  pub and take over the stage.
    We went on like this for almost 5 years and then it had to end. James, the drummer couldn't physically hack it anymore and had to step away from the table. He ended up getting back surgery and had a catheter tube draining fluid from his spine for the next two years. Eric and I tried to press on and find a drummer who was interested in doing it but, no one wanted to do all original music. They just wanted to play cover songs and maybe do a tribute band thing. Eric and I have lost touch over the years and I haven't tried to reform the BOH, but I still have all the songs on tape. Hours and hours of rehearsals that I taped, and there is too much good stuff there to just let it go.
    I've been in and out of a few bands since then but nothing worth writing about. I can do without the primadonna attitudes and the lazy asses who think all they have to do is walk out on stage and be a star.
    Since I have all the music and the rights to the name, I decided to build my home studio up and re-record and publish those songs on my own. I can't give up on my writings as they are a part of me. I'll probably get some cameras and  make videos of these tunes as I'm recording, or even create some kind of video to go with the songs I'm doing. I can play bass, and drums, although it's going to be a challenge to get the drums recorded in my apartment. It's okay, my neighbors are A-holes anyway.
    If I moved to New York, or maybe even Nashville, I'd probably have another band in 5 minutes, but that's not an option for me at this point in time.
    Whatever you do brother, keep the faith

That's just my 2 cents,
Harley 8)

[Dante]

Bands come & go. Keep your stuff, keep on doing you, and others will find you. Don't stress it.

Every time I see the end of a long relationship (and a band is definitely a relationship between several members), I feel all is lost. It is not, of course. I took a break, quit my full time band. Me and some friends from other bands formed a band together...totally part time...totally low pressure, which is much more fun....even if we almost never gig.

There are more musicians out there than you may think...what about a tuba player for bass? 

[rnolan]

Hey RG, unfortunately the band I had with Mike dissolved (for now anyway), I need to find a good bass player and drummer to get a 3 piece going just for my mental health.  Which is one of the great things about playing, it helps keep you sane.

[Peter H. Boer]

Hey Gerry,

If you cannot find a bassplayer for the recordings, just hit me up.
Won't be able to be i your band, obviously, but I have a fully equiped recording studio to get you the bass tracks.

Peter