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Author Topic: #CTFD Warning: NSFW  (Read 299 times)

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Dante

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#CTFD Warning: NSFW
« on: Time Format »

Okay, sorry for the teaser headline, but hey...you're here ;)

Anways..about that title, #CTFD = Calm the f*** down. This is not an easy thing for me to write, but I wanna get it out. This has nothing to do with music

I have some anxiety, not as bad as some I know, but yeah. I call it nervous energy. I treat it with mass amounts of marijuana...just kidding...not really...maybe...no...yes....perhaps. The point is, I stress myself out on a regular basis. Sometimes short term, sometimes long term. It's a biatch sometimes, other times it gets things done in a hurry. Well, it has apparently started to affect my professional life, by that I mean, my job. I'm short tempered sometimes...which is not like me. I'm usually a very patient guy.....like, patient as a saint kinda guy. Well, I've snapped at a couple people that I least want to snap at and it makes me embarrassed for my behavior. It also gets me in trouble, so there's that.

This morning, I decided to calm the f** down, not overreact, not stress about things I don't need to stress about (easier said than done). Either way, it felt like I'd been wasting a lot of energy on being pissed about little things and letting them eat at me. It is not easy to do, it is actually hard work, which makes you tired....and impatient I guess. So, I went to work today with the mantra #CTFD. I wrote a whole page of it in my notepad. I felt it working.

An hour after I got to work, I was called into a closed door meeting with upper management. I knew this was not good. I felt the adrenaline. I wondered if I was going to be fired....I was not. But, I was getting 'the talk' from my immediate supervisor. She is responsible for hiring me, probably responsible for firing me. She is not easy to deal with, as she is very stubborn and cannot see any other ways of doing things...if you get my drift. She tries to explain things to me with (what I perceive as) a frustrated tone. It's her delivery, my perception of that delivery. She acts as if I should know what she's telling me, but (and I don't mean this badly) English is her second language and I don't always 'get' what she's explaining. I kinda do, but I miss details.

It's a frustrating place to be in. I need to #CTFD....where's my guitar?
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rnolan

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Re: #CTFD Warning: NSFW
« Reply #1 on: Time Format »

Hey Dante, hang in there, exercise, meditation, yoga etc, they will all help, as will playing.  If possible, it would be good to have an honest conversation with your boss girl where you talk about the various ways you perceive each other and the trigger points.  I know this probably won't be easy, or maybe even doable? but if you can it may help.  It needs to be respectful, not a boss <> worker conversation but 2 equal humans beings, with careful language that doesn't accuse or blame e.g. not "you don't respect me" but more like, "when you say blah blah, I perceive it as blah and it sets of a bit of a trigger in me and I react badly... that sort of thing and tone, no blaming, just how you feel.  Also, if you can, have an honest discussion regarding her English/accent and maybe work out a way you both can ensure the correct communication happens e.g. I had a lecturer at Uni who is Vietnamise, he knew his English/accent was hard to understand and said to us, if you don't understand what I say, please don't be afraid to ask me to repeat or whatever, after a month, with a few I didn't quite understand you, I started to get used to his accent and it got easier. :wave:
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Dante

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Re: #CTFD Warning: NSFW
« Reply #2 on: Time Format »

Thanks Richard, that's exactly my plan for today. Sit down with her, tell her I don't always 'get' what she's explaining and let her know what triggers my frustrations. Yesterday, her boss (the plant manager) told her that he sees her delivery and my response as the issue. She heard nothing about the delivery aspect, just my response and continued to point a finger at me (this is the underlying issue, that fingerpointing). I will talk to her alone today, person to person.

As for meditation, exercise, etc....I used to do all those things. Now, I am very un-motivated towards those practices...and I need to re-motivate, or find a way to.
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Harley Hexxe

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Re: #CTFD Warning: NSFW
« Reply #3 on: Time Format »

Hey Dante,

       I can certainly relate to your frustration!  I'm in Quality Control/Quality Assurance where I work, so as you can imagine, there is a certain amount of friction between myself and a few individuals in other departments.

      I've had to develop a "thick-skin" as it were, since I've been there, especially with the manufacturing supervisor. I would describe him as a hot-headed pudgy pygmy with a Napoleon complex.  Like you, I find myself running low on tolerance and patience for people like him, and people who need to be 'babied' at work. I do my job, and I do it very well, and it pisses people off. Oh well. I'm not there to make friends or enemies, I'm just there to do my best to see that we get good products out to our customers.

      Fortunately for me, when this guy goes ballistic, I can just turn my back on him and walk away. He isn't my boss and I've let him know that a few times.

      I have had an open and honest conversation with my boss about him and a few other people in the place that I seem to have rubbed the wrong way. I also know that I can be very blunt and even terse at times, so I need to keep that in check. That's one of the hardest things for me to do since I was brought up in a military family, (refer to "The Great Santini" if you want to see what my family was like), and being direct was always the preferred method of communication back in the day. Not anymore, people can't handle that these days. I'd be a terrible politician, I'd tell people the truth!

      Watch what you say to this woman! As I see it, she's relying heavily on her position of authority and is afraid of losing even the tiniest fraction of that authority, because she isn't sure she can keep things under control if she does. She may see your attempt at improving communications with her as a challenge to her authority, even though you aren't trying to do that. That could be the reason for the condescending attitude, (finger-pointing), she has toward you. l could be way off-base about that, but if she's got that old world mindset, I might not be that far off.

     At my job, they have their set ways of getting things done, and I follow their procedures and policies to the letter, but when I see a way to improve what they are doing, I incorporate it quietly, and wait for the results to come back. So far, I've been able to affect a couple of changes for the better, but I don't look for acknowledgment. I know who I am, and what I can do, and the difference it makes. That's good enough for me.

     I'd like to share some of that self-appreciation with you. It sounds like you could use some.

Harley 8)
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Iperfungus

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Re: #CTFD Warning: NSFW
« Reply #4 on: Time Format »

Man, you had a stressful period recently.
Isn't it?

It's not so strange that you had bad moments.
It's not against people...that's fatigue.
You do not need any special recipe: you need rest.
Do your job and take your time out of there.
Talk to your boss honestly and explain her what happened to you and why you feel sick.
Tell her you'll give respect if you'll got the same.
Follow your passions, read a book, watch good movies, loose time, sleep.
And don't give up.
« Last Edit: Time Format by Iperfungus »
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Dante

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Re: #CTFD Warning: NSFW
« Reply #5 on: Time Format »

First and foremost - thank you for letting me get that off my chest. Second, Harley...I'm a military brat too. When people ask where I'm from I say 'nowhere'

Quote
Watch what you say to this woman! As I see it, she's relying heavily on her position of authority and is afraid of losing even the tiniest fraction of that authority, because she isn't sure she can keep things under control if she does. She may see your attempt at improving communications with her as a challenge to her authority, even though you aren't trying to do that. That could be the reason for the condescending attitude, (finger-pointing), she has toward you. l could be way off-base about that, but if she's got that old world mindset, I might not be that far off.
You just nailed it. I have overstepped my bounds once or twice and she has become quite defensive.

The finger pointing is something unrelated to me, it's her trip. When something goes wrong, she's more focused on figuring out the who and how before fixing the problem. That bugs me and a lot of other coworkers....I'd rather fix the problem, get it back on press, and then figure out what's wrong. She has to be sure she isn't responsible. That is paramount to her. Weird

Apparently, it was that way before I showed up. Other coworkers (including the head press operator) prefer working with me. Unfortunately, it's not up to them, it's up to her (my boss).

All that aside, I did have a talk with her this morning. I closed the office door when I got there, asked if we could talk. I explained that I have not been myself lately, I am not angry at her, I'm angry in general. I was sad, now I'm frickin mad. BUT...I'm less sad and less angry than I was last week. I'm working on it, I have hiccups. I told her she doesn't even know the real me, I'm much more relaxed and chill. She lost a daughter a few years ago, I mentioned the stress involved with losing a family member (let alone two), she understood.

Things are patched up for now, I like this job, I would like to keep it
« Last Edit: Time Format by Dante »
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Current Live Rig (wait 10 min., it'll change): Peavey Classic 20mh head into the matching 1x12 speaker cab, using my Boss MS3 via 4CM.
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Harley Hexxe

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Re: #CTFD Warning: NSFW
« Reply #6 on: Time Format »

Hey Dante,

     When people ask me where I'm from, I usually say 'my mother.'

     I'm glad you were able to get through that conversation. That had to have been a stressful moment walking in that door unannounced like that.

     It's a good thing you like your job, I like what I'm doing too. Where I work, we have a weekly meeting, and we bring up issues that get in the way of production, and we're encouraged to put suggestions on the table. The QC manager, (my boss), is a pretty awesome guy who does listen to us, and he backs us up at our jobs. When we have good ideas, he takes those to upper management at their staff meetings, and the issues get addressed. It's more of a team attitude than a work force attitude. I've only been there since May of last year, but my boss has come to rely heavily on my efforts to keep things going as smoothly as possible. But, just like your boss, he is responsible for everything that happens in his department, that's how upper management sees it. We just do our best to make him look good to his bosses.
      I don't know if all this rambling helps, but I hope it does. Maybe something in there may help improve communications and relations between your boss and the people you're working with.

Harley 8)
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Iperfungus

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Re: #CTFD Warning: NSFW
« Reply #7 on: Time Format »

All that aside, I did have a talk with her this morning. I closed the office door when I got there, asked if we could talk. I explained that I have not been myself lately, I am not angry at her, I'm angry in general. I was sad, now I'm frickin mad. BUT...I'm less sad and less angry than I was last week. I'm working on it, I have hiccups. I told her she doesn't even know the real me, I'm much more relaxed and chill. She lost a daughter a few years ago, I mentioned the stress involved with losing a family member (let alone two), she understood.

Things are patched up for now, I like this job, I would like to keep it

Well done, Dante.
Both of you did something good.
You've done the first step, your boss followed.

Pain. Sorrow. And anger.
Those are a good basis to do damages.
Many people cherish their sorrow and pain like treasures, protecting them from others.
Because, many times, that's what helps to carry on.
Combined with anger, it's like nitroglicerine.

Pain must be processed and let go instead, so that it stops generating anger.
This always improves life and let people see lessons learned.

You suffer by pain.
Your boss did.
Now you both know that and this can help you to build a different way of confrontation and this will change things.
You can help each other.
It's a good thing for your job and also as human beings.
« Last Edit: Time Format by Iperfungus »
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Dante

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Re: #CTFD Warning: NSFW
« Reply #8 on: Time Format »


      I don't know if all this rambling helps, but I hope it does. Maybe something in there may help improve communications and relations between your boss and the people you're working with.

Harley 8)

It does help, brother. Sometimes people just need to hear other people's stories to realize they're not the only ones dealing with personality drama. I made a point of avoiding drama a few years ago, started avoiding the people that seem to attract it, and seem to like the familiarity of it enough to keep on doing it. I'd had enough...still have. The new mantra is helping too #CTFD

My rambling usually brings some stories out of other people too - it helps when you share your stories, we need not be afraid to tell people how vulnerable we are.

Quote
Pain. Sorrow. And anger.
Those are a good basis to do damages.
Many people cherish their sorrow and pain like treasures, protecting them from others.
Because, many times, that's what helps to carry on.
Combined with anger, it's like nitroglicerine.

Pain must be processed and let go instead, so that it stops generating anger.
This always improves life and let people see lessons learned.

Yeah, the pain is real, but it is fleeting....then comes the anger and wondering why it had to go down that way at all. I get it, these are normal human emotional progressions. I still find myself changing the subject in my mind when it turns dark in there - I speak to myself in my brain all the time, tell myself, hey, that's dark, don't go there. Switch gears, compartmentalize the trauma so you can move on. It's a self defense mechanism, at least I realize I'm doing it. Most people don't (i'm told).

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Harley Hexxe

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Re: #CTFD Warning: NSFW
« Reply #9 on: Time Format »

If I do that, then I don't realize it either.

     Nobody's perfect

Harley 8)
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